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帅气生活||饶了我自己  

2014-10-06 08:42:34|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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帅气生活||饶了我自己 - 君悦雅仕 - 帅气の生活-职场风云


   饶了我自己
  
  饶了我自己康健杂志65期  文/李瑟 图/郑佳玲
  
  最近,我跟一位才30出头就当上一级主管的女性朋友聚谈,一年多不见,她改变很多,不再像以前般悲愤抱怨老板把沈重负担交给她、三十多岁没有男朋友、没有时间给自己……,反而开心地谈工作计划、带团队的心得、以及买了新车带老妈出去玩的欣慰,觉得人生很美好。
  
  我探问原因。她说:「我想通了,我决定饶了我自己。」
  
  好一个「饶了我自己」,我为眼前这位新女性喝采。
  
  你有没有这样的经验,原因不明的半夜醒来,思绪漫游忧虑国一阵才又昏沈睡去。这个忧虑国大约不出以下范围:
  
  不够多、不够好
  
  包括:钱还赚不够存不够、时间不够用、工作上还有个细节做得不够完美、家里最近不够乾净、小孩的功课最近盯得不够紧、老公(或男朋友)最近不够爱我、减重行动最近不够坚持、没有男伴(或没有儿女)人生不够完整……
  
  好景不常、好运总会用完的
  
  快乐时光总是过太快,目前过这麽幸福的日子大概不会长久……。有时无意识地想破坏自己的好运,只为了证实自己的想法是对的,比方明明很爱另一半,偏要三不五时找题材跟他吵吵架。
  
  我真有这麽杰出吗?会不会哪天被拆穿了自己只是三脚猫?
  
  我们常很担心自己还不够优秀,那些称赞我们的人只是暂时被我们蒙昏头而已,搞不好哪天我被拆穿根本不是理财高手、不是写文章的料?
  
  好倒楣,每天都有不如意的事
  
  车子又要送修了、老板总在下班前扔事情叫我做、每次都是差几秒钟没赶上公车(或捷运)、拖了很久的报税资料堆得乱七八糟且表格还没填、一大堆e-mail还没处理……
  
  常想人生里的不足,使人习惯性地生活在不安阴影下,不肯饶了自己,可能你我多少都有点瘾头。
  
  原因可能如下:从小凡事必用抢的(从抢肉松配饭,到抢好学校的名额),否则就会拿不到;常被父母老师长官提醒「你还可以更好些」,觉得自己真是不好杰出、不够努力;多想多担忧总比不担心来得正当些,因为纵使结果仍不太好,但心理上觉得我有尽责,不必自责过深……。
  
  我同时也注意到,很多针对女性的商品广告强调,「你值得用这产品」、「你值得疼惜自己」、「你值得花钱纵容自己」……,鲜少看到针对男性的广告要用这样的措词。
  
  似乎这样的倾向常见:男人较常高估自己,女人却常低估自己,难得有个能实际衡量自己的女性,大家就叫她是「女强人」。
  
  美国心理学家布洛克曾对301个高三学生做心理测验,发现虽然女生的学科成绩一般多比男生好,很多人甚至已拿到西屋奖学金,但自信心不如男生。有些明明是班上前几名,却老要强调自己还有不擅长的部份,动辄说,「哦,我还有xxx部份不太懂。」
  
  男生就不一样了,他们大多数时间一有机会,就尽量强调自己会的部份,而对不太擅长的部份几乎绝口不提。
  
  另位社会学家马林卓克也有研究发现,女性通常不如男性乐观;忍受焦虑的程度也不同,女性显得不如男性。
  
  比如常见家中女性存钱,反而男性花钱较随兴,可能女性生长在视女人为弱者的文化里,习惯悲观思考,倾向不敢得意忘形;也可能天生女性比男性实际,担心的事比较多。
  
  另外也有社会学与心理学界推论,可能跟社会最近几十年才给女人控制权有关。
  
  女性得学习感觉自主掌握自己生活,是最近才发生的崭新经验。如何饶了自己,需要养成习惯:
  
  ■如果过去经验一再提醒你,你不值得每天都快乐,那得自己建设一下自己的心理,天天提醒自己,「我当然值得过得幸福快乐,事情会愈变愈好的」。
  
  有人建议在镜面或桌上贴纸条提醒自己每日复颂几遍(我的试用经验,觉得还满有效的)。
  
  ■被别人称许时,别否决或怀疑,而应写下来,当做证据或收据般存起来,夸张点则是寄给你在意的人,目的在「更扩大增强自我信心」,提醒别人继续给你称许,大家来互相一下。
  
  爱用电脑的人,不妨存进「增强自信」的档案里,供自己随时进去看看,给自己打打气。
  
  人生是很多点滴的小快乐与小成就
  
  我们每天都陷在很多琐事里,注意力被移转,以致看不见或记不住自己每天其实都有达成这个那个的小成就、以及人与人之间互动的快乐时刻,这些一点一滴的小成就与快乐小片刻,就是快乐人生。
  
  但大部份人却强调追求特别成就与特殊时刻,结果就老在觉得自己一无所成毫无快乐,就是不肯饶了自己。
  
  太近看,看到一棵树,往後退一步,才能看到整片林子。太近看捷运,看到一节车箱,里面又挤又乱,往後退一步,才能看到整列捷运,整洁明亮快速驶来,接你奔赴下个成功地方
  
  下次又有害怕时,问自己,最糟糕的情况会怎样。你会发现,其实没那麽大不了,在断言自己不会一直好运或幸福之前,先问自己是根据过去的经验还是现在的事实,而做出这样的论点?
  
  不看自己没有的,多看自己有的。
---
Give me a break myself

Give me a break myself Health Magazine 65 text / Lee Seul map / Zheng Jialing

Recently, I was 30 with an early on when a female friend on a charge of poly-talk, but not more than a year, she changed a lot, is not as heavy as the burden of grief complained to her boss, no more than thirty years old boyfriend, did not have time to yourself ......, but happy to talk about the work plan, experience with the team, as well as to buy a new car with my mom out to play happy, I feel life is very beautiful.

I inquire why. She said: "I ??figured out, I decided to spare myself."

Good one "spare myself," I applaud the front of the new women.

You do not have the experience, unexplained awakens thoughts roam the country for a while that she worries drowsy sleep. No worries about this country following ranges:

Enough, not good enough

Include: paying the money earned is not enough memory is not enough, lack of time, the details of the work done there is not perfect, the house is not clean enough recently, children's homework recently stare tight enough, my husband (or boyfriend) recently not love me, weight loss is not enough action recently insisted that no male partner (or no children) life is not complete ......

Good times never last, always run out of luck

Happy Hour is always too fast, currently had such a happy day ...... probably will not last long. Sometimes unconsciously want to destroy his good fortune, only to confirm his idea is right, than Fang Mingming love the other half, not five o'clock looking chosen three themes fought fight.

I really have so distinguished it? Will someday be debunked his only cat with three legs?

We often very worried about their still not good enough, those who praise us we kept only temporarily faint head only, they might someday I was debunked is not financial expert, is not expected to write articles?

Well unlucky, unhappy things every day

Have to repair the car, the boss at work before throwing something told me to do, every few seconds difference did not catch the bus (or MRT), tax information and is long overdue heap mess table not fill, a lot of e-mail not handle ......

Often think of life in the shortage, people habitually live under the shadow of unrest, refused to spare himself, how could you and I have a little addiction.

The reason may be as follows: everything must be used to grab an early age (from grab floss with rice, to grab a good school places), otherwise you will get; Executive remind parents and teachers often "you can better" feel really bad outstanding, not trying hard enough; think much more legitimate concerns than those not worry, because even though the result is still very good, but mentally I feel responsible, do not blame ...... too deep.

I also noticed a lot of commercials for women stressed, "You deserve to use this product", "you deserve to pamper yourself", "you deserve to spend money to pamper yourself." ......, Rarely seen ads for men to with such wording.

This tendency seems to be common: men more often overestimate themselves, women are often underestimate yourself, there is a rare woman can actually measure their own, everyone called her a "strong woman."

American psychologist Bullock had 301 high school students to do psychological tests and found that although the girl's academic performance is generally much better than the boys, a lot of people even have to get Westinghouse scholarship, but not as good as the boys confidence. Some obviously a class top few, but there are no old to emphasize their good parts, frequently says, "Oh, I still do not understand xxx part."

Boys is not the same, they most of the time there is an opportunity, they will try to emphasize their part, while not very good part is almost no mention.

Another bit sociologist Marin Zhuoke research has also found that women are inferior to men generally optimistic; degree endure anxiety is different, women appear inferior to men.

Such as common in women home to save money, but men spend relatively casual, probably female, as the woman for the weak growth in culture, habits pessimistic thinking, dare tendency to get carried away; may also born women than men actually worry about things more.

There is also a sociology and psychology inference, may be followed by the most recent decades of social control related to the woman.

Women have to feel ownership of their lives learning is a new experience recently occurred. How to spare himself the need to develop habits:

■ If past experience has repeatedly remind you that you do not deserve happiness every day, and that was to build their own psychological yourself every day to remind myself, "I certainly deserves happy, happy, things will become better the more of."

It was suggested in a note attached to a mirror or table to remind myself several times daily re-Ode (my trial experience, I felt full and effective).

■ When praised by others, do not reject or doubt, but should write it down, like a receipt as evidence or save up, exaggerated point is sent to the person you care about, aimed at "enhancing self-confidence even expand," to remind people to continue to give you praise, we come to each other about.

Love to use a computer, may wish to deposit into the "self confidence" in the archives, feel free to go in and see for yourself, give yourself encouragement.

Life is a little bit of joy and a lot of small achievements

Every day we are stuck in a lot of trivia, the attention was transferred, so can not see or can not remember their everyday fact that little has reached this achievement, as well as the interaction between people's happy moments, these little by little small achievements and happy little moment, is a happy life.

But most people have emphasized the pursuit of special achievements and special moments, the results feel old at nothing as there is no happiness, refused to spare himself.

Too close and saw a tree, take a step back to see the whole piece of wood. Too close to see the MRT, saw a wagon, which crowded and chaotic, take a step back to see the entire column MRT, clean and bright fast approaching, then you went to the next place success

The next time you have fear, ask yourself the worst will happen. You will find, in fact, not so big deal, he would not have been before the assertion of luck or happiness, first ask yourself is based on past experience and present the facts, and make this argument?

Do not look at what they do not, look at yourself there.

-----

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